


Memoriam

by Zilchtastic



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 01:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zilchtastic/pseuds/Zilchtastic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I found you, you looked human," Gojyo said one evening as they sat halfheartedly playing cards, surrounded by empty beer cans and mostly-empty sake bottles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memoriam

"Is it really a big deal?" Gojyo leaned back in his chair, coffee mug in one hand, and regarded the man across the table from him. "I mean, I've already seen you do it once. It's not like bein' naked. Which I've _also_ seen a few times, in case you've forgotten..."

Hakkai stared down at the worn surface of the kitchen table. "It's not that I'm embarrassed, Gojyo," he said, and his hands tightened around each other as he spoke. "It's more that I'm... afraid."

"Afraid of _yourself_?"

"...Yes. That's precisely it."

Gojyo took a gulp of coffee, made a face when he found it cold. "I think you're sellin' yourself short. You can control yourself--"

"Can I?" And something about the way he said it, the look that followed, made Gojyo feel cold all over with the memory of darkness and rain.

"You can," he said, stubbornly, though even out loud it sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

It was more than a little uncomfortable, the way Hakkai was staring through him, or maybe _into_ him, as if he could see right through the skin to the meat and blood and bone underneath.

"Sometimes I wonder," he said.

 

***

 

"When I found you, you looked human," Gojyo said one evening as they sat halfheartedly playing cards, surrounded by empty beer cans and mostly-empty sake bottles. It was a hot August night, the air so heavy and wet that it was hard to breathe. The sky had threatened rain all day without ever giving it up, so the atmosphere felt charged, like the world was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Neither of them could sleep, hence the cards. It was too hot to even _think_. Gojyo couldn't remember who was winning anymore.

Probably Hakkai, anyway.

Hakkai blinked at him owlishly from behind his sake cup. "As if you could tell, under all the blood," he said, voice light and neutral. It was the tone he used when he didn't want to talk about something and was hoping that sounding casual enough would put you off. Too bad it didn't work on Gojyo anymore.

He reached across the table to Hakkai, fingertips just barely brushing the limiters on his left ear. Hakkai didn't flinch, but Gojyo caught the tightening of his shoulders, the flattening of his stare. The look said, _So you really want to hear this,_ which made Gojyo wonder if he really _did_ want to hear the story after all.

"You looked human," Gojyo repeated, "but I kinda figured you weren't. Didn't notice these 'til after I got you home, though." He was fishing as cautiously as he knew how.

Hakkai took another drink of sake, tossing the cupful back as if it were a shot. It took him a long time to answer, and when he finally did he kept his eyes focused on his cards. His voice was flat, almost toneless, as if he were describing the most boring thing in the world, or something that had happened to somebody else.

"I took them off the bodies," he said.

_Careful, careful,_ Gojyo thought. "That's a lot of foresight on your part."

"You misunderstand. I didn't intend to use them for anything. I took them before I got to the thousandth youkai, even."

Gojyo chewed at the inside of his lip and wondered if he looked as confused as he felt. "Then what'd you take them for?"

"Mementos," Hakkai said, and for a second Gojyo felt ice run down his spine in defiance of the heat.


End file.
